


Three Years Later

by LizardOnIce27



Category: Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, M/M, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-04-06
Updated: 2013-04-08
Packaged: 2017-12-07 15:31:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/750104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LizardOnIce27/pseuds/LizardOnIce27
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gerard tries to commit in his junior year. After being institutionalized for three years, he joins his brother in their junior year.</p><p>Disclaimer: I own nothing, this is fake.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Second First Day

Junior Year, take two.

 

I was fourteen when I realized I wanted to die. I was sixteen when I finally made an effort. My parents were out with Mikey, thirteen at the time, to watch him excel at some nerdy thing like Quiz Bowl. I don’t remember all of the details, maybe it was chess or something. The point is, they were gone, and I had a house full of poisons and sharp objects at my disposal. I took a few handfuls of the assorted pill collection in the bathroom cabinet, and moved on to the kitchen. This is where my memory is completely blank. I remember the sharp feeling of the knife, and the scream of my thirteen year old brother, who’d come back to collect his jacket. They hadn’t even been gone five minutes. Mikey tells me I was cutting at my arms and legs with the knife before I passed out. Instead of attending Mikey’s nerd thing, they drove me to the hospital where my stomach was pumped and I was admitted to Johnson’s. I spent the first year in and out of isolation, for reasons such as: Refusing to take pills, taking more pills than I should have, trying to strangle myself with a pillowcase, trying to drown myself in the shower, refusing to eat, and mostly refusing to talk. I didn’t want to play the game. I was locked up, fine. But I wasn’t going to give them what they wanted. I wasn’t going to point out how pathetic I was. I ended up losing a lot of weight and being put into a hospital again before being sent back. But before I was sent back, Mikey stayed with me in the hospital. He spent every night and refused to leave. And he is why I started cooperating in therapy. Certain memories came back as I talked with the shrink, who really wasn’t too terrible. I now how broken up memories before I tried it. Apparently I had a pretty bad run in with a gang of bullies, who have (hopefully) graduated by now. They’ve decided I’m no longer a hazard to myself, and tomorrow is my second, first day of eleventh grade. An upside to this, is since I’ve been locked up three years, Mikey and I will be in the same grade, and have most of our classes together.

 

A light knock on my bedroom door makes me look up from my drawing.

“Gee?” Mikey peeks his head in.

“Hey..”

“Can I come in?”

I nod.

He walks in and sits beside me on the bed, “How’re you feeling about tomorrow?”

I bite my lip, “Nervous..”

He nods, “It’s okay though, you can sit with me at lunch and we’ll have classes together.”

When did he become the big brother?

I sigh and nod, “I know.. I’m just worried about how people will act around me.”

“What do you mean?” he tilts his head.

“Like... I don’t want to be teased because I tried to kill myself, but I don’t really want people being overly nice either...I’m really worried about art, I had the same teacher... it’s bad enough with mom and dad, they hardly look at me.” I frown.

He mirrors my frown, “They just don’t know what to say, Gee. They feel like it’s their fault. Like they didn’t pay enough attention, or didn’t tell you they loved you enough...They were really messed up after you went to Johnson’s...I was waiting for a divorce...I think they only didn’t, because of me...and then they were like really worried about me because I found you..they were afraid I would try it too and...honestly I thought about it. I had to live three years without you and it was hard. There were times I really needed some brotherly advice and it’s not like I could call you...and they wouldn’t stop fighting placing the blame on themselves then each other...I think they’re splitting as soon as we move out.” he says the last part with indifference.

I bite my lip and pull him into a hug, “I’m sorry and I know that doesn’t fix shit but I am.”

“You’re here now..” he mumbles, “And you better fucking stay.”

“I will. I promise.”

 

My first two teachers said my name in a soft, sad voice while taking attendance. The third is newer, and barely took notice to me at all, which I didn’t mind. Now I’m in art, and Mr. Pierce has asked me to stay after class. Mikey and Pete say they’ll stay back and wait for me to go to lunch. I think Pete and Mikey might be dating, or are at least into each other. I continue my drawing until the bell rings, then hang back after class.

“Gerard..” Mr. Pierce begins, “I see your drawing has improved some.”

I shrug, staring at my feet.

“Do you remember two weeks before it happened, I told you that you could talk to me?”

I bite my lip and nod.

“I was afraid you’d end up doing something like that.” he sighs, “And I would have helped you, would have talked you out of it. You’d have graduated by now...”

“I know. I didn’t...want to be talked out of it.” I admit, pulling at a loose string on my jacket.

He nods, “Are you doing any better?”

I nod, “I..I have to be okay, for Mikey. He had to deal with a lot of shit when I was gone. I can’t do that to him again.”

Mr. Pierce nods, “Okay. But then allow me to talk you out of it, if that becomes necessary.”

I nod, “Yes sir.”

 

“So we _finally_ meet the famous Gerard!” a shorter guy with black hair says, heading over to the lunch table.

Mikey rolls his eyes, “Shut up Frank.”

The boy grins and sits adjacent to me, “So what’s it like to almost die?”

“Frank!” a boy with strawberry blonde hair tucked under his hat nudges Frank, “You don’t ask things like that!”

Frank rolls his eyes, “Patrick.” he turns back to me expectantly.

“Considering it ends with being locked up? Not so great.”

“Then you’ve learned.” he nods.

“Frank.” Mikey’s eyes narrow.

“Learned?” I raise an eyebrow.

“That it isn’t worth it.” he nods.

“I suppose so..”

He smiles, “Good.” and the bites into his sandwich, dismissing the subject entirely.

Mikey sighs, “Sorry he has no fucking filter.”

“Ow!” Frank yelps, “Don’t you kick me!”

I smile and shake my head, “It’s fine, Mikes,”

“Aww! Mikes? Can I call you that too?” Pete grins widely.

Mikey shoots him a glare, “No.”

The boy with the hat, Patrick, rolls his eyes and mouths something that looks oddly like, “Just fuck already.”

“So you draw?” Frank asks.

I shrug, “I try. I want to get really good at it...and make comics.”

Frank grins, “That would be awesome!”

I find myself smiling as I nod and take a bite out of my mashed potatoes.

 

“I’m really sorry about Frank.” Mikey says for the millionth time on the drive home.

I shrug, “Really, it didn’t bother me. He’s right, it wasn’t worth it.”

He sighs, “But still he just can’t ask things like that.”

“You sound like Patrick.” Pete chuckles from the driver’s seat, earning himself a swat from the passenger’s seat.

“It’s called tact, Wentz. Which you don’t have either.”

Pete rolls his eyes, “He’s not offended, so it’s fine.”

“What if he had been?” Patrick counters.

“He doesn’t, so it’s all good.” I add from the back seat.

Patrick flushes, “Sorry I don’t mean to talk about you like you’re not here...”

“He’s just mad because Frank walked up to him one day and say ‘hey, you’re gay right?’ and Pattycakes is so far in the closet, he’s finding Christmas presents.” Pete snorts.

“I’ll fucking kill you.” Patrick glares.

“Not while he’s driving...”I mumble.

Mikey giggles, “They fight like a married couple.”

I take the opportunity to find out what’s going on between Pete and my brother my whispering, “Jealous?”

Mikey’s face reddens, “No, I’m not. They fight more like siblings.” he mumbles.

“Uh huh...”

Mikey rolls his eyes as Pete pulls into our driveway, “Thanks for the ride, Pete.”

“Anytime, _Mikes_.” 

Mikey groans and glares at Pete before leading the way inside.


	2. The Fifth and Sixth Wheel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patrick becomes enamored with a new guy, Bob, so Frank invites him over with everyone else.
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing

Thanksgiving Holiday.

By Novermber, I’ve mostly adjusted to having friends, and being back into the world. Over the Thanksgiving break, everyone is staying at Frank’s house. He lives with his mother, and she’s going to his grandparents over the holiday. Frank’s coming to our house for Thanksgiving, our mother didn’t feel right with him being left alone on a Holiday.

It would seem Frank was right about Patrick’s sexuality. He’s hardly taken his eyes off the new addition to our History class, Bob Bryar. The poor guy has no idea Frank’s invited him over. While I would normally warn my friend of Frank’s evil plot, I find myself amused with it. Or maybe I’m just amused with Frank. He’s quickly become one of the best friends I’ve ever had. He understands me on a level no one else does. A few weeks after we met, he told me a secret. He’s tried to commit before too, but his father sent him to live with his mother instead of locking him up. He’s better now, he says he found therapy in his guitar. I like talking to Frank about what I did, because he understands. Mikey, as much as he may love me, doesn’t understand. He’s never been quite that depressed. And despite his past, he’s a really happy person. He smiles and laughs a lot, even when it’s at nothing. Frank inspires me to let myself smile.

 

“He’s going to kill you.” I mumble and nudge Frank as we wait for Bob to meet us at the car.

Frank grins, “He’ll be far too busy drooling for murder.”

I roll my eyes.

Frank is an evil genius. He’s arranged for Bob to ride to Franks with Frank and I, and Pete and Patrick are driving with Mikey. I brought my clothes with me to school so I wouldn’t have to go back home and pack. Mikey and Patrick did too, but Pete forgot to put his clothes in the dryer. Bob walks over with a nervous smile. 

“Hey!” Frank grins.

“Hi.. are you sure it’s okay? I mean, None of you know me well...” Bob looks down at his feet.

“Well that’s the point.” Frank gives him a warm smile, “You’re a nice guy, and we probably won’t scar you for life.”

I raise an eyebrow, “Probably?”

Frank shrugs, “I promise nothing... You’re not ah, homophobic right?” he looks up to Bob, “Just..I think everyone I hang out with is gay.”

“Patrick’s gay?” Bob’s eyes widen.

Frank fights a grin, “I think that answers my question.”

Bob blushes, “No, I’m not homophobic. And I just, I didn’t think Patrick was..”

Frank lets himself grin, “Are _you_ gay?”

I nudge him, “You’re starting early on scarring him.” 

Bob blushes, “I um..yes. Can we drop the subject?”

Frank nods, “Of course Bobbert.”

 

Frank, Bob and I sit in the living room taking turns playing nintendo. After about half an hour, Pete strolls in like he owns the place. Mikey walks in behind him, and Patrick freezes in the doorway, the color slowly leaving his face as he watches Bob concentrate on the video game. Then he suddenly walks over and unplug’s Frank’s controller.

“You killed me!” Frank looks up to meet Patrick’s glare.

“I’m going home.” he storms outside.

“Be right back.” Pete hurries outside after him.

Bob looks down, “I knew I shouldn’t have-”

“Bob it’s not your fault.” Mikey sits beside him and smiles, “Patrick’s just shy...and gets a bit touchy when Frank decides to meddle.”

Frank pouts, “I just wanted Patrick to-”

I cover his mouth, “And you should probably let it happen instead of trying to force it.”

Bob raises an eyebrow, “Let what happen?”

“NO IT ISN’T FINE!” Patrick’s voice comes from outside as he swings open the door, “You know what? Instead of letting Frank make this even _worse_ , I’ll do it.” He walks over and looks at Bob, “I like you. There. Okay? Now you can avoid me and prove them wrong because why the fuck would you give a shit about me! And Frank I swear to God I’ll kill you! God fucking damn it I-”

It amuses me how quickly Patrick can go from shy and quiet to furious and loud.

 

“You’re cute when you’re angry.” Bob smiles up at Patrick, ending his rant.

“What?” Patrick asks, barely audible.

“He said you’re cute. Now I demand a rematch, Patrick you can’t go and help your boyfriend win.” Frank plugs in his controller, grinning widely.

“He’s not my...I-I’m cute?”

“Completely sexy, Pattycakes.” Pete rolls his eyes playfully and holds his hand out for Bob’s controller, “You can play Frank later. You two should go discuss Patrick’s cuteness.”

“Uh huh, while you think about Mikey’s.” Patrick snaps.

Pete’s eyes widen, “Patrick!”

Patrick covers his mouth, “Pete I’m sorry...but really Mikey doesn’t mind.”

“Is there anyone _not_ going to enter a relationship tonight?” Frank asks sarcastically, “I’m making a no sex rule.” he notes before handing Pete’s controller to me.

“I agree..” I glance at Mikey’s red face, “At least not while I’m around.” 

I play Frank as the others couple off, uncontrollably rolling my eyes. Now I get to deal with lovey mushy stuff. At least I have Frank to hang out with. He’s not hung up on someone, and that’s good. I mean, I wouldn’t mind if he had a boyfriend. He’s great, he should be happy. But I’m happy not to be the odd one out, without a relationship. I look back and see Mikey curled into Pete, and find myself smiling a bit, at least he’s happy. They took long enough. Frank nudges me and makes kissy faces, causing us both to burst into laughter. We end up watching a few movies and by the third one, Frank has fallen asleep with his head in my lap. I play with his hair absently, finding it hard to look at the screen, rather than at him. Pete whispers something to Mikey, causing him to erupt into giggles.

“What’s so funny?” I raise an eyebrow.

“Oh, I just said even you and Frank are getting cuddly.” Pete winks.

I roll my eyes, “He just fell asleep.”

“And your hand just happens to be stroking his hair?”

I feel myself blush as I roll my eyes and look back to the television.


	3. Last Resort Blacmail

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Frank now in a relationship, Gerard's becoming depressed.

Love is in the air, and it’s suffocating.

I am now the seventh wheel, and I fucking hate it. Mikey and Pete are perfectly disgustingly happy together. I was happy for Mikey as long as I could be, now I just feel bitter. I don’t mean to, honestly. Mikey deserves to be happy, and arrogant as he may be, Pete is a good guy. I would probably handle it better, if I hadn’t walked in on them having sex. My little brother is in a relationship before me, _and_ he’s had sex first. Patrick and Bob, while completely adorable, get a little annoying for me too. At least I haven’t seen them having sex, although Patrick’s temper would probably calm down if he got laid. The worst of it, though, is that Frank is also in a relationship. The lovey dovey couple shit with the others was tolerable when he was single too, making fun of them with me. But now he’s just like them with Ray, who’s like three feet taller than him. I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised with being single. Not only did I attempt suicide, but I’m three years older than almost everyone. But that works for Pete and Mikey! And Pete _failed_ three times. Every time Frank stands on his tip toes and kisses Ray, who has to lean down, I feel something burn in the pit of my stomach.

“No, Ray stop!” Frank giggles as Ray picks him up.

I glare at my lunch as Mikey and Pete make out.

Bob and Patrick eat their lunch, saving me from more PDA. Isn’t there a rule against that shit in high school?

“Could you _not_ try to chew my brother’s face off in front if me?” I snap.

They pull apart as Frank nudges me, “You alright?”

“Fucking great.” I stand up and throw my lunch away, walking to the library.

I sit in a back corner and get out my notebook out to draw.

“Mind if I sit down?” Patrick asks softly.

I look up, “Where’s your tag along?”

“Bob is my boyfriend, not a fucking dog. And I’m your friend, so stop acting like a dick.” he sits down.

“Leave me alone.”

He sighs, “Gerard...”

I bite my lip, “I’m sorry, you’re right...”

“I know I am. Now quit acting like a five year old. If it bothers you this much, just tell Frank how you feel.”

I blush lightly, “Patrick, I’m not into Frank.”

“You’re full of shit.” he shakes his head, “Look, since Ray started getting close to Frank, you started being a jerk. I highly doubt that’s a fucking coincidence.” his voice softens, “Mikey’s worried about you..”

“He shouldn’t be worried, I’m fine.” I lie, nervously pulling my sleeves lower.

“I saw your arm a few days ago, Gerard. Mikey has every reason to worry.”

“You told him!?” I ask in a panicked voice.

“No.” he replies calmly, “I haven’t told anyone.”

“Thank yo-”

“Don’t thank me. I am in no way doing this for you. Mikey is scared enough without me giving him confirmation you’re getting worse. But you need to figure something out. You can’t do this to him.”

“Like he’d fucking notice.” I snap.

“Just because he has a boyfriend doesn’t mean he doesn’t notice you. Do not make me tell him. I hate the thought of blackmail, but here we are. You stop and Mikey never has to know. You keep it up? And I’ll go straight to your mother.” he bites his lip, “Gerard I don’t want to be mean... I’m just... I’m afraid too.”

I bite my lip, “Okay. I’ll stop.”

“You realize I’m going to check your arms, right?” he crosses his arms.

I nod, trying to think of a creative new place to cut myself.

“Good.” he stands up, “I’ll leave you alone now...but please, just...don’t be stupid.”

 

 

I’ve closed myself in my room all weekend. Mikey keeps checking on me. After a while, I just lock the door, which leads to him freaking out on the other side of the door. But I can’t let him walk in as I roll up my pants leg and make a few horizontal cuts above my knee with a razor I swiped out of Dad’s shaving stuff. I roll down the leg of my pajama pants and hide the blade before unlocking the door at a very loud knock.

“Fucking hell, WHAT!?” I throw the door open.

“That’s a fucking good question.” Pete replies, arms crossed, “Mikey’s been trying to get in here for two hours.”

“He’s been in here at least two times every half hour before that. I just wanted to be alone.” 

“Yeah.” Pete steps into the room, closing the door behind him, “Arms.”

I feel the color leave my face, “What?”

“You know exactly what. Show me your fucking arms.” He leans against the door, arms still crossed.

“Patrick fucking told you!”

“Yup. Now, roll up your sleeves or I tell Mikey.”

“I’m going to kill Patrick.” I glare at the floor.

“Touch him in any violent sort of way and you will regret it deeply. Now please just show me your arms.”

“No. They’re only a few days old... they look new.” I frown.

Pete unfolds his arm, “The reason Patrick told me, was because it’s harder for him to tell how new it is.” he holds out his arms, palms up, revealing faded scars across his wrists, “But I’ve been there.”

I sigh and roll up my sleeves, allowing him to look at them.

He nods, “Your arms are fine... but the blood coming from your leg isn’t.” he bites his lip, “Look, I know this isn’t easy... but you need to stop. I’m going to pretend I don’t know about what you did today, but you have to stop... because I really don’t want to see you naked, just to make sure you don’t cut yourself.”

“You cut?” I look up to him.

“I used to. Patrick found out...and with his help I stopped. Now when Mikey asks, I won’t mention this, and that bugs the fuck out of me. I don’t like to be dishonest with him. But he’s been having panic attacks over you and I just...I can’t see him get worse. So fucking take care of yourself.” he walks out of the bedroom, closing the door.

I sit on the bed and sigh.

 

“You’re hurting yourself.” Frank says softly as we walk to our next class.

“What? No I’m-”

“Save it.” he sighs, “Gerard, please don’t hurt yourself.. before you get mad at Pete or Patrick, they haven’t said a thing. I can just see it in your eyes.

“If they didn’t say anything, then how do you know they know?” I bite my lip, not bothering to deny it.

“The way they look at you... and they way Pete keeps insisting to Mikey that you’re fine.”

“I haven’t hurt myself in two days.” I tell him honestly, “And I’m..I’m going to try and stop.”

He nods and hugs me tightly in the middle of the hall, “I’m here for you, you know?”

I hug him back and try to ignore the butterflies in my stomach. The butterflies seem to catch fire when Ray walks up.

“Hey Frankie.” he smiles.

“Hey Ray.” he lets go of me and wraps his arms tightly around Ray.

I clench my fists and walk to class alone.


End file.
